Inability To Love
by DeannaEmrys
Summary: Arthur loves Merlin more than anything and Merlin, well Merlin doesn't want to love at all. ArthurxMerlin with hints of MerlinxGwaine


"Arthur I really can't do this right now." Merlin groaned, pushing his overgrown fringe out of his eyes.  
>Arthur scoffed, unimpressed, he was always so unimpressed.<br>"Oh okay, so when you don't want to fight I'm expected to just drop it am I? Great! I guess I should just do whatever you tell me to like a good little house pet, because that's all I am to you right? A freaking lap dog who should abide by your every freaking word!"  
>Arthur was angry, the vein in his neck pulsing as he blocked the front door so Merlin couldn't leave. Blue eyes normally oozing with love alight with rage, his entire body shaking.<p>Merlin took a deep breath, pushing down the boiling lava that was running through his veins, he was a ticking time bomb but he didn't want to explode, not when he had work in an hour, not when the neighbours were hovering outside their apartment hoping to catch a glimpse of the couples 'infamous' arguments.<br>Deep breaths, in and out, feel the calm sweeping through your body. There we go nice and calm, in, out...

"I'm your boyfriend Merlin! Your BOYFRIEND! You cant just use and abuse me! I'm not disposable. I need your attention away from the bedroom, I..."

Oops too late, Merlin exploded.

"Arthur you've known me for years, you knew what you were getting yourself into, HELL you pleaded with me to go on a date with you! I don't do clingy, I don't do touchy feely and I don't do commitment. But you begged, you said you didn't care, that you wouldn't try and change me. And you know I don't say those words you want me to say." Merlin paused slightly, taking a deep breath before continuing, Arthur stayed silent slouching slightly knowing that what Merlin was saying was true, "Arthur please, isn't the fact that I'm yours and I'm faithful enough?" Merlin sighed wearily, his eyes locked on those of his lover, bright blue, sad.

"You say it to Gwaine." his words sliced through the atmosphere like a knife.  
>"That's what this is really about isn't is?" Merlin had to shut his eyes from the hurt so obvious in Arthur's voice. "Gwaine and I, well I can't really explain that, we've known each other for twenty years, he's my best friend, you know he is"<br>Merlin sighed, he seemed to be doing that a lot lately. Gwaine and his relationship was a strange one and it weighed heavy on Arthur, Merlin couldn't help being so close to Gwaine, and anyway it wasn't the same thing!

Arthur huffed out the air in his lungs, running his long fingers through his disheveled golden hair, defeated, before meeting his boyfriends eyes.

"I love you Merlin, you're my, well you're my everything and I, er, guess the fact that I'm not yours is well, it's hard to swallow sometimes." he managed to choke out over the lump in his throat, his eyes flicking back to his sock clad feet, shoulders slumped, so different from the prince Merlin had met all those years ago, their relationship's pillar of strength crumbling under the strain of unsaid words.

Merlin took a step forward wrapping his skinny arms around Arthur's shaking form, nuzzling his face into his neck, breathing in his comforting scent, trying to keep them both in one piece.  
>After a few seconds Arthur relaxed slightly, hesitantly threading his arms around his boyfriend's slender waist before clinging to him as if his life depended on it, because at the end of the day, to Arthur, it did.<p>

"You are my world Arthur, my boyfriend, my better half. Gwaine is my best friend, practically my brother. You have nothing to worry about. I'm yours. I just wish that was enough."

He felt Arthur nod against his shoulder and smiled softly pulling back to softly kiss his slightly dampened cheek.

And it would be, for while any how, until the secret smiles and knowing looks would become too much, the scent of another man too obvious and the silence between them too loud. Then Arthur would once again need three words he would never recieve. 


End file.
